11Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come on him, they each came from his own place: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and to comfort him. 12When they lifted up their eyes from a distance, and didn’t recognize him, they raised their voices, and wept; and they each tore his robe, and sprinkled dust on their heads toward the sky. 13So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.
1Then Zophar, the Naamathite, answered,
2“Shouldn’t the multitude of words be answered?
Should a man full of talk be justified?
3Should your boastings make men hold their peace?
When you mock, will no man make you ashamed?
4For you say, ‘My doctrine is pure.
I am clean in your eyes.’
5But oh that God would speak,
and open his lips against you,
6that he would show you the secrets of wisdom!
For true wisdom has two sides.
Know therefore that God exacts of you less than your iniquity deserves.
7“Can you fathom the mystery of God?
Or can you probe the limits of the Almighty?
8They are high as heaven. What can you do?
They are deeper than Sheol. What can you know?
9Its measure is longer than the earth,
and broader than the sea.
10If he passes by, or confines,
or convenes a court, then who can oppose him?
11For he knows false men.
He sees iniquity also, even though he doesn’t consider it.
12An empty-headed man becomes wise
when a man is born as a wild donkey’s colt.
13“If you set your heart aright,
stretch out your hands toward him.
14If iniquity is in your hand, put it far away.
Don’t let unrighteousness dwell in your tents.
15Surely then you will lift up your face without spot.
Yes, you will be steadfast, and will not fear,
16for you will forget your misery.
You will remember it like waters that have passed away.
17Life will be clearer than the noonday.
Though there is darkness, it will be as the morning.
18You will be secure, because there is hope.
Yes, you will search, and will take your rest in safety.
19Also you will lie down, and no one will make you afraid.
Yes, many will court your favor.
20But the eyes of the wicked will fail.
They will have no way to flee.
Their hope will be the giving up of the spirit.”
In our primary reading, Job’s friends hear of Job’s tragedy and their first response is to go and sit with him. The last two sentences state, “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” This is one of the most powerful verses in the Bible. They sat with Job for seven days and nights in silence. Think about that for a second. How many of us, myself included, see someone mourning and try to comfort him/her with words? As an optimistic problem solver, I often see tears as a problem to be solved rather than a person to be embraced. Presence is powerful, for it gives the mourner space to be human while still showing them that he/she is not alone.
If only Job’s friends would have simply been present and less chatty. I included Job 11 as a secondary scripture, but one could read any of the responses made by Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to see that their speaking is not very helpful. As I shared on day one, the traditional wisdom of the day claimed that good things happen to faithful people and bad things happen to unfaithful people. Seeing Job’s bad fortune, they assume that Job must have been unfaithful, and that God is punishing him for his sin. Their basic argument over the course of Chapters 4 through 25 is that Job deserved what he received and needs to repent for his sin.
Have you ever encountered tragedy and wondered what you did to deserve it?
Have you ever had a friend tell you that your tragedy was a punishment from God?
How have you experienced the power of presence?
Job’s friends were ultimately trying to help Job get back on his feet, and yet their words proved to stir up more harm than good. It has been my personal experience that most grieving people do not want to hear my theological justification for their circumstances, but instead want to know that they are loved and that they are not alone. Pray that God would provide you with the ability to hold your tongue and just sit with people in the midst of their tragedy.